The phobia

Well, hasn't been blogging a few days already. It's because I'm fixing back my
bloody body clock back to normal as tomorrow is the starting of 2nd SEMESTER!
Had been looking forward for school so much as holidays is so boring to me now.

Hope the new modules will be FUN but not boring!

This post will be filling with full of words, hahaha. SO..
Don't bother to read if you hate worddy post, it's my blog anyway. Hees:D

I realised I'm so damn phobia to BGR, a very complicated world to me.
Part of it is because I had a very miserable and horrible experience in my first love.
Took me years to forgot about everything, and finally I had let go.
The starting 2months is always honeymoon for the couples, but after that..
it's totally a disaster! How guys can cheat/toy/play with girls feeling.
What's the point of relationship? What do we get after everything ends?
There is definitely no advantages for ladies, ONLY DISADVANTAGES!

Everyone told me, there's always consequence they have to pay after everything ends.
Because they hurt the most fragile heart, but I did nothing.. nothing at all!
I heard one thing from a show..

Being lied by a guy first is STUPID, second time is SILLY, third time is FOOL!

So what I am, a FOOL?
I felt so down, why am I always so soft-hearted to him?

There's no more next time, I sweared!
If my friends whom knows me well, they know i'm always repeating the same things.

Again&again, but I hope this will be the last time.
Never will I repeat the same-old-painful-procedure again in my life.


And recently, I just get to know something. Something that really shocked me!
How can my friend did such a thing to me other friend? Even though it's years ago.
But.. this proves that you and him have no different at all! Same, bastard.
Seriously, I thought some guys can be really good at times.
But when you know their bad things, things really turn very different already.

There is too much thing in my mind now.
Too much until I don't what to do anymore.
Tell me how? What should I do?
I'm confused. But still, I hope no ones know.


So many reasons for me not stepping in any relationship for the past few years.
Because I know there's no eternity/forever/everlasting, it's all BULLSHIT!
How can a guy love you whole-heartedly? They had exist in the world.
Even though still have, I can never find..

Sigh, sooooooooooooo screwed up! R/S is not worth my trust for now.



Well, had been staying at my crib this few days(sleep) and out with my mom only.
Nothing much, but I had finally having healthy lifestyle once again! :)




Bye, nights to all. Nothing much to blog already :)